Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
