based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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