Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
