but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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