You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
