My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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