just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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