look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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