Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
