so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
