How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
