Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
