How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
