It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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