I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
