He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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