you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
