i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
