I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize