Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
