he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
