you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
third nipple confirmed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
