I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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