You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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