We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
