Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
