It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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