he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
