Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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