I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
