You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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