Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
