I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I faked an abortion last night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
