no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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