Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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