The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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