Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
