this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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