Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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