If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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