Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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