I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
After last night, I could never be a politician.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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