Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
