How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
