Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
