Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
