pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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