im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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