we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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