My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
