dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize