I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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