Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I could make wine with my vomit
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
