You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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