i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
