how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize