Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
