That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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