Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
