I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
