Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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