I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
