I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
