tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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