May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
