I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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