dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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