You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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