BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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