Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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