k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize