So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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