did you get engaged???
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
