he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
