youre lurking in front of me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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