I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
