Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
