You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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