There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
