Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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