i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
