apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
