stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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