I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
