I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
